Why Learning About Our Blind / Shadow Side is Useful, Important and Vital, for self and for others.

The more one denies the Shadow Self, the more ready one is to find fault in others. The more we hide from or refuse honest feedback from others, the less we know & understand ourselves.
None of us know ourselves completely. Besides being our own best friend, each of us is our own worst enemy. We all lie to ourselves and are far more self-centered that we can probably ever realize, particularly those of us who are convinced that we are not self-centered.

Whatever is incomplete or unfinished in our own development is bound to be projected on others with whom we will react according to our script which casts others into specific roles. I have several in my own extended network of family and friends who--out of touch with themselves--very much need to find fault in others.


The more I am sure that my "map equals the territory," or "my thermostat is where it's at," rather than realizing that my map only represents the territory, the more I am likely to have conflict and misunderstanding with others, all the while being sure that it is the others who are at fault.
The ability to be objective about oneself and accept criticism about oneself from others may be the single most important skill in communication and human relations. Everything else hinges on this.

The greatest delusion of the human race is people thinking they can avoid confronting the unconscious and solve the problems of life by the "face" or "mask" they put on for others, creating a righteous exterior, that is, by being "good." Sadly, this delusion is held by most of our religious leaders today, and we shall not even mention political leaders.

According to Freud, the penalty for repression is repetition. Painful experiences not dealt with are unconsciously repeated. We do not quite realize that we are repeating ourselves, because the very diversionary schemas we are repeating keep the fact of their repetition from awareness. On one hand we really forget that we have done this before, and the other, do not quite realize that we are doing it again. We can see this pattern easily in others but not in ourselves. The self-deception is complete.

The diversionary schemes we employ to hide from ourselves and from our own motives are extensive and well-mapped. Little has been added since the time of Freud although we understand now how the family is the matrix of dysfunction much better. We now understand that love itself is never enough, and whatever the unfinished business parents have refused to face in their own development or marriage is handed on to the children like a hot potato. Adult children repeat the same/similar script/scenarios.

There are some people who must be right, who in any conflict situation, are convinced that others are wrong. They are often very closed and easily defensive. They cannot believe that others can see them differently than they see themselves. They usually learn only from the hard knocks of life, but often do not learn easily or well, since they carry a stubborn blindness concerning themselves into every new relationship, remaining defensive and very protective of their public "ego."

An Ego-Protective Inventory has been developed and is currently being researched to measure this tendency. It has been found frequently in business executives.

Until we confront and befriend our Shadow, we will continue to live with the illusion of virtue and righteousness. We remain vulnerable to the sabotage of marriage, family, career, love and important friendships. When befriended, our Shadow can turn out to be 95% gold.
Unless honesty with oneself is valued more than being "good," secure, successful or accepted, more than any other virtue, one is destined to a life of self-deceit, full of hidden ego-inflation, programmed for self-sabotage.

Tools for understanding the Blind/Shadow Self are:
Dreams, Journaling, some movies, drama, fiction, Shadow workshops, courses or books on the Enneagram, psychotherapy, personality profiling, group work or spiritual direction or guidance where feedback is welcome. © Paschal Baute, 1984

Discussion, anyone?